Graham gets his hair cut

Merry Christmas!!!

Sorry its a day late, but Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Michael Jackson goes shopping for books

...Dressed as fucking Skeletor

Merry Christmas

A poem I wrote on something.jab.nu 5 years ago

Wolves rip at our sides with fangs of hate
Together we remain clinging to each other
Shreds of each others skin knotting together
O, yonder is the bitter reunion

In baths of mercury we will swim
Two rose petals of equal weight
Two stories of differing length
Merging into a singular hive mind

Our souls entwined we burn as one wick
In a massive emotional candlestick
Your icy lozenge becons me to lick
Hinkle your poems suck much dick

"SNIFF, SWIG, PUFF"--My Christmas Gift to You

You can thank me later.

Shades of "Penis Wated Beard", and "I See a Cunt"

New Sonz Album: Rhythms of the Dirty Down Under

The new Sonz of Acworth album has dropped, just in time for Christmas:

Get it here

Fuck the mystery

My graduation from Drug Court is Tuesday, January 29. I am trying to have my wisdom teeth cut out that weekend, and move back the next, February 9. If a space is open at the Sonz house, I am interested and would need to know deposits and rent. Who on God's earth would consider helping me move that weekend? Realistically, that would probably be a one-way plane ticket up and helping me drive a Ryder van down.

Jesus AND Batman!?!

Merry Christmas, y'all!

Crazy Guy on Barrett Parkway

Vance found this picture of the guy who yells at cars on the corner of Cobb Place Blvd & Barrett Parkway! I've seen this guy 2 or 3 times in the same place! Once he was getting arrested by the cops, we should get Justin to interview him sometime...

Kevin Smith protests 'Dogma'

James Lipton interviews Dave Chappelle

This pairing is wildly inappropriate. There are many more parts to this interview.

James Lipton does Kevin Federline

A Fat Guy's Reaction To The Leaked Dark Knight Trailer

MITCHELL!!!

Vampire public access talk show

I prefer to hope this was shown on the air someplace.

Dance Party

Hooray!

He is coming...

Tarrlytons says...

This is what I do

How wonderful, these kids

"Would the Real Smosh, Please Stand Up."

He should sue.

Brokeback Joker!

The first full picture of the Heath Ledger as the Joker in next summer's "Dark Knight"...

Pu-Tang Clan

I was checking my old favorites links today, and came across the Pu-Tang Clan site, gave it a check, and now oddly enough it appears to have been overtaken by some sort of pornographic endeavor. It says they have 'Free Fuck Movies'.

I can't remember what Jon Dowis' rap pseudonym was, "Professor Murder"? No, that's from that Mr. Show episode with the East Coast / West Coast ventriloquists war...

"The West Coast is the better of the two coasts."

Also, wow GroupX.com is looking pretty slick and WASP-y. They must have given up on the Borat thing, gone for the Web 2.0 "we're going to do some fantastic I.T. work and not give you any hint at what this website is about" thing.

Another Arnold Japanese Beer Commercial

I could watch this all day!

Arnold Schwarzenegger Japanese Commercial

He has done a bunch of these but I think this is the most fucked up...

Japanese Hulk Hogan commercial

Flea Market Montgomery... never gets old

Pardon me those who've seen this already, but it makes me smile.

Round out the Nirvana trifecta

Live version of "Teen Spirit" on a TV show that had the band mime their performance behind live vocals. Watch how they protest this.

Cookie O'Puss

Willem Dafoe loves this bear. You should, too

Also, concerning Nirvana...

Rousing rendition by swingster Paul Anka.

Roosevelt (v.), ex., "to Roosevelt that ho"

From the source, I think?

Apparently "to Roosevelt" a ho is to have sex in a wheelchair. Presumably this extends to any other chair in the house.

Look mom, your favorite!

Look at Dave Grohl's face when Charles Barkley puts a hand on his shoulder.

I made this for you

Chuck Norris Approved

"Your baby-maker needs to be bigger in order to perform its functions well"

I get all these dick-pill e-mails at work since I've been put on the support e-mail list. The headline above is from the following e-mail...

"Do you believe in magic? We dare say you're likely to give a negative answer .We hadn't believed, either...until the moment MegaDick was invented!The effect this remedy produces on a human phallus cannot be called otherwise than a Miracle! Just imagine, that your love stick suddenly becomes longer and thicker and makes women tremble with desire!It's fabulous! So, don't hesitate, perform a miracle in your life with this wonder-medicine! French politicians distance themselves from Chiracdestabilise the region.Scientists at NASA say that new satellite images ofa.m. local time; the derailment led to the explosion of"

I don't really know what the thing about the French was about and NASA. I get like ten of these a day and it cracks my ass up!

S.O.A. Halloween 2k7

Infinite thanks to all who contributed to the cause for this thing to go down. It was a great success. There is money to be had by all who contributed. We collected nearly $1,000 in return monies. So please come and pick it up at your convenience.

Delicious!

SOA Halloween - Ryan's pics

All I can say is Ted Turner sure missed out...

Sonz of Acworth Halloween 2007 Pictures

From the Office of Mr. Ted Turner

This makes sending out all those invitations worth it. I just received an email from Ms Susan Tatum, executive assistant to Mr. Ted Turner:


ATTN: Christopher Jones

Director

Sonz of Acworth



Dear Mr. Jones:



We are in receipt of your letter to Mr. Ted Turner inviting him to your second annual Halloween soirée.



Unfortunately, Mr. Turner is not in the country. Therefore, he has asked me to respectfully decline on

his behalf.



Good luck on a successful soirée!



Sincerely,



Suzan Tatum

Executive Assistant to

Mr. Ted Turner, Chairman

Turner Enterprises,Inc.

133 Luckie St. NW

Atlanta, GA 30303


We can continue with the party now that we have Ted Turner's proxy blessing.

OW! MY BALLS!

Dog's comments match mullet

A&E cancelled his show today! What a jackass! Who records this kinda shit?

Crackhead sings in church

What is an EMO?

French Pres Sarkozy clearly drunk at press conference

Indian baby hurling -- hopes for better health

Night of drinking before your TV interview?

Stomping grapes

It really is funny...

Think about it. Nunzio getting arrested on Coker Circle doing coke. Think about the combination of letters. That's would be like if I got arrested on LSD Passenger Lane. Holy God.

Who's got a set list for this show Saturday?

"Thriller," Bollywood remix

Your South Asian rehash of an old favorite.

Enjoy, "Rupture of cyst"

Please enjoy today's showing of the lancing and clearing of a cyst and core from the back of this Chinese woman.

"Harry Potter and The Gay Old Man"

You know how I know your gay? You read Harry Potter.

Jackie Chan #1!!!

Jackie Chan sings "We are Ready"... but are we really ready?

Cranking that Soulja Boy with your favorite individuals

Everybody these days is cranking that fucking Soulja Boy...

Barney...


Larry King...


Carlton Banks...


Christians...


The Muppets...

Philips-Norelco, first with "Machine Sex"...

Tyler should sue.

Another Gatlinburg trip?

I was thinking of getting a trip togeather for sometime in January. There are a bunch of different places... I'm thinking the more the better! If we can get 8-10 foolz in on this its only going to be around $130-$160 per person for 6 nights! Pretty damn cheep for such a phat place! And if you check out the links below, you'll see what I'm talking about!!! Who is in?!?

This first link is the one I liked...

This has a whole bunch more...

"Superman that Ho..."

Camacho '08

How to Crank that Supaman Instructional Dance Video!!!

Break some heads

Farking fools, look at this man.

Covers of some classics

These are just great

Halloween 2k7 UPDATE

Ok ya'll here's the scoop: Halloween is fast approaching and I would really like to get all those who intend to invest in this event / or who just want to help us make it awesome to meet up this weekend. Either tomorrow or Sunday. We could meet anywhere that is convenient. Preferably a place that serves alcoholic beverages. We need to have all investments in by the 15th to make sure to have all the equipment booked for the night of the 3rd.

I would really like the Sonz to play something at this event so we need to get some kind of schedule for rehearsal even if it's just 2 or 3 in between now and the party.

LET'S MEET THIS WEEKEND.

We have several performers lined up to audition on Sunday night including fire dancers, and some freak show acts. I would like all those who intend to be "staff," to help me judge who's in and who's out.

OK please call me

404.514.7647

MC Body Bag

"LOST" Phone Sex...

I saw this about a year ago and I still think its funny as hell!

Mat Hinkle doesn't quite get it

Please enjoy a bit of comedy featuring Mat Hinkle:

Grand Master throws the first pitch

Check it out. Taekwondo Grand Master Lee throws the first pitch at a Cleveland Indians game. How surreal! Peep the clown.

Look at this person's face

Sonz of Acworth Halloween 2k7

This party is going to be awesome, and we are working hard to make it more than just a house party with everyone drinking keg beer. We need sponsors and we need those people who give to help us promote it, organize it, and throw it.

I have written a rough budget:

I have written a proposal of what we think we'll need as far as money, and we have decided to bring 10 or 11 people in as co-hosts / investors. These people will make this event possible and will get a good chunk of their money back if not all of it.

Here read this rough draft:

Hello and thank you for investing in this event and helping make it something badass. Something more than just another house party with keg beer.

minimum 100 dollars investment.
suggested 110.

will pay for the following:

$200 Liquor
$300 Kegs (3)
$200 Adult Rated Moonwalk
$150 Performers (fire dancers, firebreathers, jugglers and/or mimes)
$200 Decorations and Lighting
$50 Lee-Way
$100.00 contribution to the off-duty cop to handle traffic and ward away any other possible police. (the remaining 200 will be paid by our wealthy politician neighbor / co-host.)

The 10 to 12 investors will of course partake in all of this for free and will also be given close-knit organizational roles; as well as "say so" in the planning, scheduling, and ideas of what to buy. These people will also be given positions early in the party to help people arrive in an organized manner, post signage, announce events, relay party rules and messages to arriving guests, and most importantly collect a five dollar cover charge from non-investing guests and non-performers. This five dollar cover charge will be collected into one lump sum the next day and equally divided between the investors. We need your to help make this an epic event. I estimate that the worst case scenario will be that you get 50% of your money back and the other 50% went to a great cause.

So far we have a confirmed $700.00 so we're well on our way. The first donation of $50.00 cash from Josh Clayton is sitting in "The jar," right now.

We have to act fast though so we can be sure that everything is booked in time.

Calling all Sonz of Acworth -- we should all get together at a bar or something this weekend so we can setup a rehearsal /planning schedule between now and the event.

Peace.
MC Body Bag.

Photo Study: Mathew Hinkle and a Bowl of Soup

Booo! Junior

Just wanted to show off my sister's Dale Earnhardt pumpkin she carved for Halloween.

$1B indoor ski dome at Lake Lanier

http://www.11alive.com/news/article_news.aspx?storyid=102468
Strap on your skis and head north on GA-400 for a summer of slopes inside the world's largest and longest indoor ski resort. The mammoth Mount Pegasus Ski Resort proposed for the banks of Lake Lanier will be the size of two Six Flags.

"Chuck Norris was happy."

Today Hinkle logged a case for Chuck Norris. Who owns several Firehouse Sub locations in Alabama. I had to take a picture of the case notes...

Robotic R&B Singers

It seems like every newer R&B song I hear on the radio has a singer, and they're singing some kind of bland, tired modern R&B whiny lyrics... nothing unusual about that... But lately though, they always sneak in the robotic voice somewhere in the middle of it when you least expect it. They start out sounding like a human being singing, and then they add this flourish of... well not all the way "robot" vocal, but they digitally modify their vocal, and it ends up sounding like Akon or whatever... you know what I mean. It's such a craze these days though, because I swear it can't just be Akon making all of this shit, it's in like every damn song on 107.9. If it is Akon making all of this shit, somebody call up Michael Vick and tell him that Akon is a fluffy dog.

Prank Call Bombardment

My deepest and most sincere apologies if you've been here and done this, it's a pretty nice work of art though.

Janice it hurts

Atlanta triumphal arch

So have you seen the construction of our great ancient Stonehenge in the middle of the ancient ruins of Atlantic Steel to celebrate our victory at the Battle of Trafalgar? You know who isn't a big fan of the Millennium Gate is Michael Vick.

Dragon*Con 07 Festivities

Dragon*Con is this weekend, and we'll probably shoot some footy once again. If you are in the Atlanta area and you have the means, make yourself be there. Here's hoping we aren't slapped to death by angry Battlestar Galactica fans who think we aren't "into anything". Come on, everybody is into something. Some people are just into boring shit like feet, but at least they're into something. Irish Mike happens to like "animals and stuff" I've heard. Certainly we can all agree that no matter who you are, you've got to be a Michael Vick fan. Why? Because he is a mogul. Plus, he found Jesus! Which is something you should obviously do as well if you're reading this website. I think he left some clues somewhere. He's definitely easier to find than Carmen Sandiego at any rate. Just where in the world is that bitch?

By the way, did you know that Mavis Beacon of the famous "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing!" software was never even a real person? How in the world are you going to teach shit if you don't even exist? Like I said, go find Jesus, the world is insane.



Bullshit! Google it, it's a total sham.

Miss Teen South Carolina answers a question

Taebo Hip-Hop Dancercise for Kids

This routine is one of many hip-hop dance instructional aerobic workouts designed for your children. My personal favorite is "Slob on My Knob Spongebob," although the "Small Harlem Vanilla Shake" comes second.

Joe Nasty say...

This Blogger thing really got me thinking, so I set up an ancillary Joe Nasty-themed spot, exclusively for your best Joe Nasty stories.
http://joenastysay.blogspot.com/

Black Sheep

This MIGHT be better than "Bats," considering in a strict two-party comparative, SOMETHING has to be better than the other.

This girl is HOT.

Tropical Storm Erin (Aaron) & Hurricane Dean

Erin(Aaron)-On August 16 Erin made landfall near Lamar, Texas and persisted
over land across Texas before moving northward into Oklahoma. The storm
resulted in at least 13 fatalities and worsened an already-severe flooding
problem in Texas.

Dean - Hurricane Dean intensifies as it passes south of Grand Cayman. It is
likely to become a category 5 later today.

An odd coincidence? I think not. This may mark the 7th sign.

The faithful flock to Lilburn

So, what do you think about this majestic Hindu mandir being erected in metro Atlanta, the largest of its kind outside of India?

New Merchandise

So you need some new Sonz of Acworth fashion or "Joe Nasty" branded baby bibs? It's your lucky day because now you can find all that and more at:

http://www.cafepress.com/sonzofacworth

Animate!

Still not too sure what this is. But it seems noir enough that it reminds me of better days. Cryptic, I know.

Kroger Training Pants

What happened to Psycho Jack?

This picture was taken by a friend of my Mother while she was traveling in Indonesia. This man went by the name Jacku Lingey. So this is what psycho Jack is up to these days??

Nice Compilation

Handi-capable horror

Slap me if this has made the rounds, but I find it way too entertaining. It is a consortium or class of sorts being made to discuss their horror movie about werewolves. Choice!

Who wants some Rick Astley?!?

MOTHER TERESA 07 TOPPS CARD

HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO OWN AN AUTHENTIC CUT SIGNATURE OF MOTHER TERESA - THE ONLY AUTOGRAPH OF IT'S KIND PRODUCED IN THE TRADING CARD MARKET AND ERA !
THIS CARD WAS PULLED OUT OF 2007 TOPPS ALLEN AND GINTER'S AT THE 28TH NATIONAL SPORTS COLLECTORS CONVENTION BY THE OWNER OF WOLVERINE SPORTS CARDS. THE TWELVE BOX CASE WAS PURCHASED FROM DAVE AND ADAMS SPORTSCARD WORLD, NEW YORK.
IMMEDIATLY AFTER THIS MOTHER TERESA CUT AUTO WAS PULLED IT WAS TAKEN TO BECKETT GRADING SERVICES FOR AUTHENTICATION. BECKETT WAS OVERJOYED TO SEE SUCH A MASTERPIECE AND THEY WERE MORE THAN ACCOMODATING TO PROVIDE THE SERVICE OF CONFIRMINING THE CARDS AUTHENTICITY. THIS CARD WAS GIVEN EXTREME HIGH PRIORITY - AS IT IS SUCH A RARE PEICE.
WOLVERINE SPORTS CARDS WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE AT BECKETT GRADING SERVICES FOR MAINTAINING A VERY PROFESSIONAL DEMEANOR WHILE HANDLING THIS VERY RARE MASTERPIECE. THEY TOOK THE TIME AND CARE TO ENSURE THIS MOTHER TERESA CARD WAS WELL TAKEN CARE OF IN A TIMELY FASHION.
THIS MOTHER TERESA AUTOGRAPH CUT WOULD GRADE A 9.5 GEM MINT - HOWEVER THE TITLE OF AUTHENTIC IS A MUCH HIGHER VALUE TO THIS CARD.

Sexy Watermelon

Sonz of Acworth playin' a little "Foo Dogs" circa early 2000's at the Cotton Club:

Blacktrick Bennett

How 'bout Blacktrick Bennett, y'all?

Sample your stool

As a general rule of thumb, shit-doctors highly recommend you maintain your leavings somewhere between types 3 and 5:



For a fun game, find out where you rank? How does your stool compare to past famous people? Are you a 6 like Abraham Lincoln, or a 4 like Indira Gandhi?

Stick Around

On Tyler Lingwall's last night as a Georgia resident for the foreseeable future, we convened at his mostly empty apartment for an evening of dignified melancholy conversation, cheese and wine. Everything was going swimmingly, but eventually Luke and Patrick became somewhat inebriated, as illustrated in this highlight reel:



Unfortunately I was unable to capture any footage of the two hour conversation that took place later that evening about tracheotomy porn. Your loss, I'm afraid.

This would be great with some fine champagne-ya...

Things that are stiff

Today I go to work 3 Steel Reserves deep. Don't tell anybody because it's painting weekend, and I have to reconnect all the computers. Hey Foo/Jonz, can we initiate a project to begin digitizing the wonderful home videos you'se (sic) have made over the past decade? Maybe a DVD full of all of them?

How's that soda, Blair Meeks?

I'm almost certain that we ran into this local newsman the other night on our way to the Brick Store Pub in Decatur. We rounded a corner and there he was, carrying two sodas, with a Secret Service-style ear bud draped across his shoulder.

Upon looking for a picture of this NBC affiliate investigative reporter for the above artist's rendering, I came across a number of interesting facts about Mr. Meeks:

• Is originally from Lilburn, GA
• Earned a Bachelor's degree in journalism from the University of Missouri
• Loves exercise and outdoor sports
• Has both male and female reproductive organs. He keeps both in jars of formaldehyde on his mantle
• Is the only journalist to go back in time (together with "Time-Traveling Scott Joplin") to investigate the business practices of ancient Chinese merchant Wong Lang-Fong. Mr Lang-Fong was apparently the originator of the caustic acid-boiled cardboard filling in pork buns
• Is the proud owner of three Emmy statues
• Is currently working with Chris Hansen to arrange another timetrip to ancient Greece to expose Olympian boy-sex. Mr. Hansen states, "I'm proud to be working with Blair on this important issue, even though he has a girl's name. We're going to nail these assholes. Ironic pun not intended, of course."
  

Drunken Karaoke

"Lose Yourself" in the style of Eminem

Disgusting advertising

A little while ago I'm screwing around on MySpace trolling for sexual predators like my idol Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC (aka "Chrish Hanshen") when I notice this really disgusting banner advertisement throbbing in and out:




I'm never usually one to click on banner ads, in fact I mentally block them out most of the time subconsciously. Something about this one, with it's challenging statement "This will freak you out!" (as if you know me!) and the question of what this could possibly be advertising called out to me and made me want to defy it. So, I clicked on through the banner, prepared for some kind of sick larvae-fetish website to splash all over my screen...

Where I actually ended up was this site:





Yes, the Swami Knows!

Any swami that begins by asking what my gender is already is a very poor swami in my book because, well, shouldn't a fucking swami know the answer already? He's also asking for "UR" gender, like he's some kind of dumbass trying to text message me my fortune.

From my few minutes checking out the Swami's site, I fail to understand the connection between the larvae, juices and filth that promise to freak me out in the banner and the idiotic no-talent assclown "Swami" who allegedly "knows" something... nothing really freaked me out, but I do have to commend it as an example of genius marketing.

I had always heard that he was nice to his bitches...

In this weeks edition of Why the Hellz didn't I Think of THAT Theater...



Pride of Virginia Tech, Falcon-er and PETA spokesman Ron Mexico Michael Vick recently had a canine chew toy created in his likeness… well sort of his likeness.



Awww! Isn't that just precious! Sic his ass, Fido!

Rainbow Fucking Randolph!!!

'(singing)Friends come in all sizes. That's a fact! It's True!
All colors of the rainbow from Mauve to Blue...Their names may
not be different and their shoes may not match One might say
'grasp' while the other says 'snatch' Some like to toss while
others like to caaaaatch... Beeee-caaaause...Friends come in
all sizes Take it from me! Golly Gee! Size never matters when
you want some friendly patter From a pal who is true and can
lift you when you're blue You can count on him and he can
count on yoooouuuu! It's true... that...(big finish)
  Friends come in all sizes! YES...THEY...DO!!!'

Stevie Wonder gon' get you, Grover

Joe Nasty get right down to it

Joe Nasty come over to your house and unplug your air conditioner, leaving you very hot and agitated. While you bend over to plug your air conditioner back in, Joe Nasty beat you to death with the blunt force of a rough-hewn, heavy burlap sack of Michael Vick's mangled dog parts repeatedly swung about your head and neck.

Monkey gives a cat a bath

The other day, Wendell was sprayed by a skunk while walking in from our front yard, and he ran indoors screaming bloody terror. It was humorous as it was pungent. Also, did I ever mention that I've twice seen Wendell walk around the house with what looks to be a Greco-Roman wrestling singlet?

Memory put this on my page

Sonz at Rocky Mountain Videos

Some more old live shit from Rocky Mountain Pizza shows unearthed and regurgitated here for your appraisal:

A Sonz cover of "What's The Scenario" by A Tribe Called Quest:



A performance of "East Cobb" featuring useful instructional footage on drying electronics with shirts:

Big Chicken condos & retail village

From someone half a day away, it's more of your metro Atlanta development news. Today, we observe a developing god-awful mixed use retail village at a new bus transit stop in the effing center of Interstate 75 just behind the Big Chicken:



The intersection at the lower left is Hwy 41 and Roswell Rd. The circular arrangement at the corner is the fabled Big Chicken, which will provide for a dramatic and sweeping panorama of damned near 20 lanes of traffic behind it.

The yellow structure in the median of the interstate is a "bus rapid transit" station -- buses that run exclusively in HOV lanes. As you may make out, the interstate is widened (to twice its size) to include 2 HOV lanes and 2 new truck only lanes on the outside. Several homes and some static vacant lots will be demolished to make room for that monolith next to the highway, which is linked directly to the bus station by a walkway over the chasm of I-75.

I kind of want to live next to 20 lanes of highway with a view of the Big Chicken out my window. That would be a comforting sight.

Daddy Hinkle's

Daddy Hinkle's.

I think Mathew should sue them for likeness infringement.

Salute to Wesley Willis

This is a video of Sonz of Acworth performing "Suck a Polar Bear's Dick" as made famous by deceased schizophrenic rock and roll superstar Wesley Willis.



And, here is the legend himself:

Is this legal?

My new favorite church

I'm getting baptized tomorrow

Ironman Comic-Con footage!

This looks soooo fuckin cool!!!

Iron Man - Comic-Con Preview
Uploaded by toma-uno

Booed at the Apollo

I love watching these assholes get booed off the stage.

The end is near?

We have to be somewhere in the middle of the Book of Revelations at this point, Armaggeddon is surely upon us. I know of no other explanation for this.

I just wanted make sure everyone was aware of this horror:

This album is made for 3 speakers, not 2 or 4

3-D Glasses Guy is really getting around lately. I came across this in Best Buy the other day:


The press release reads as follows:

DOPE NEW HOOD ANTHEMS FROM 3-D GLASSES GUY

"Dead Motherfucker$ Can't $ee $hit in 3-D Like Me" is the fifth full-length album from Douglasville, GA songwriting legend and television personality 3D Glasses Guy. Written and recorded completely in prison, it contains 12 slamming tracks spanning the genres of 50's pop, crooning, bossa nova, and Bollywood soundtrack.

The track list is as follows:

1. "Throwin 3 Ds on my Toyota"
2. "You Can't See Anything In 3-D But I In Fact See Everything In 3-D"
3. "D"
4. "Douglasville Dope Deala"
5. "Killing Three People Dead In 3-D"
6. "Drink A Bullet Milkshake"
7. "3 Ds, 1 V"
8. "Talking To George Washington In A Dollar Bill"
9. "Bring The Ice For The Juice"
10. "Getting Too Close To You"
11. "I Know How Deep Your Grave Is (Guess Why, Yes Because Of The 3-D Shit)"
12. "Fuck The Glasses (I'm Too High)"

Home Version

Seriously, the thing doesn't even come with instructions.

BIG Chicken Rampage Leaves 37 dead.

A lot of us are guilty of giving directions to people based on the historical landmark the BIG Chicken. Now, anyone giving directions with the BIG Chicken as a starting point are going to confuse and mis-direct travelers. Why, you ask? Because the Chicken is mobile. Not only mobile, but he is on a killing spree that makes Godzilla look like that gecko from the Geico insurance commercials.
3 nights ago the seemingly peaceful landmark uprooted itself and turned on the citizens of Marietta. "One Minute i was enjoying a bucket of original recipe and the next thing i know that damn big chicken got up and walked off" Patricia Bennett a local dancer from Boomers was quoted as saying.
"If i thought for one second that there was a chance that the Big chicken was even alive i would have gone to Popeye's!" Furry enthusiast Mat Hinkle remarked.
After lumbering across the street the robot chicken monstrosity set it's sights on the local Burger King. Luckily the king himself was at another location, but 12 patrons including slave owner John Dowis were incinerated by what was described as hellfire coming from the beak of the monster. After the brutal attack the chicken seemed satisfied with his work and moved on.
Moments before sucumbing to the injuries sustained during the chicken's attack Mr. Dowis blurted out a few last words."Someone has to kill that big chicken if he's going to go around burning everyone." Chilling words to be sure.
Atlanta area police had trouble finding a suitable weapon to combat this horror. So far small arms fire is completly ineffective. The only effective means of slowing it down happened when a man left his plate of Biscuits and Mashed potatoes on a bench while fleeing the rampaging monster. The Big Chicken seemed to calm down and sit directly beside the food on the plate. This stalled out the robotic giant for a while until a homeless man scarfed up the food that was there. "I was hungry" Chris Jones was quoted as saying. The Big Chicken then proceeded to continue his murderous rampage for several hours until finally disappearing into the night.
Several theories have surfaced as to the origin of this supernatural occurrence ranging from the goofy to the ridiculous. Kennesaw weapons specialist Tyler Lingwall is convinced that the robot chicken is a Decepticon. Several have presented the argument that this is false due to the fact that Decepticons only exist in Transformers movies, cartoons and the fantasies of young men.
Others have speculated that the devil himself is responsible. Although likely, it is not a certainty.
For now the Monster is loose and probably planning it's next attack on the city. If anyone sees the mechanical beast they are urged to contact local law enforcement by way of e-mail. Phone contact is prohibited due to the amount of officers currently deployed in Cobb county to enforce speeding violations.

Bears can't merge for crap

Someone hit a bear on I75 this morning, causing a traffic crisis the likes of which haven't been seen on that particular interstate since... any other fucking morning.

Here's the news with the facts. I heard a comment on the radio this morning that there was actually a fist fight over the carcass of the bear that caused further delays. I guess someone wanted to claim it. Thank God for Southerners.

Vick Pounds Puppies.

Get one before #7 electrocutes u!

Freaky child hand-drummer

Not fair

A slice of history

I almost forgot that's how it all went down.

Wigs By G's Commercial

In case you don't realize just how official we are here at Wigs By G's:

Hinkletech

I came home yesterday and my Xbox 360 stopped working as soon as I tried to watch some bootleg Finnish librarian porn on it. HinkleTech helped me. They helped my neck, they helped my testicles, now I can be a pimp again. So if you have an automobile or tractor related IT problem, come on down to HinkleTech, where my big crusty ass hasn't been washed in about half a score.

www.wigsbygs.com

With the purchase of the new wigsbygs.com domain name, today is the glorious day when you can say to someone on the street, "I just put some funny shit on www.wigsbygs.com, so go check it out!"