What a great looking film

Dance off, ranger stryle.

SCRAPER BIKE!!

LOL Dog Fucker

http://www.warmandfuzzyfeeling.com/

On a CD? Must be magic

How-to guide that came with the first Phillips CD-maker:

Couldn't resist...

Warm wig wishes

Reality becomes a little bit more like a David Lynch movie

Remember that guy, the unlicensed handyman from Ohio that called that one black guy a socialist? Sam "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher? You know how usually it takes a few years before minor celebrities realize that their 15 minutes is gone and then say, Screw it, I'll do whatever job you want as long as your check clears? Well, it only took ole' Joe a month or so. Check out this sexxy DTV instructional video:


Bad acting, bad lighting, dirty goatee, dropping in on some random blond chick to "plug in the cable" - clearly he's prepping himself for his porn career.

Hooray for Santy Claus

I'll always love this asinine thing.

Farewell kiss, you dog.

TERROR ALERT!!!!!!111. Raise the threat level to 10 or Blue or whatever the highest one is! The natives are attacking. With shoes!



After all the death and destruction Bush has brought to their country, this is the thanks he gets? Those ingrates.

ETA: Bring on the animated gifs.

YARRR!!!!! I FOUND ME BOOOTY!!!!

SNL Digital Short: Jizzed in My Pants

Giant Gummy Bear ... on a Stick

"The stick makes the Giant Gummy Bear infinitely more awesome than its stickless counterpart." - Gummy Bear Expert

Vin Diesel, Dungeons & Dragons

It's not easy being blind

Two minutes in... poor Ray must have had no idea what was going on around his piano.

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Rick Rolled

I couldn't believe this when I saw it.

More Palin!

Ok, so maybe we'll have a little bit longer with this "Sarah Palin" person.

Sometimes it's annoying that our culture is so sarcastic and ironic all the time. I can't tell if this is earnest, or just really subtle satire. Either way, it's got Palin and it's funny.


On the one hand, the organization that made this has a realistic looking web site, so maybe its serious. But on the other hand, there's a black Amish guy about :30 seconds in (Sidney Poitier? Chuck Norris' side kick from Walker, Texas Ranger?) and the whole premise of the ad is thanking Sarah Palin. So I can't really tell.

Will always hold this one dear

Bloody Turkey Sacrifice at the Altar of Palin

A fix for everyone struggling with Sarah Palin video withdraw...

Senior Adult Choir Hip Hop (Short Version)

Is there such a thing as a more terrifying instructional video?

For some sort of electrostimulation face-reworking mask:

There's got to be a worse way!

Now is the time to invest!

Breaking News! 0:42-0:53

Check out this great new club!

...but only on Halloween, please. Our house is listed as a venue on last.fm:



http://www.last.fm/venue/8973967

Sarsgaard!

Watch more Saturday Night Live videos on AOL Video

BUSH SHOCKER!

I don't know the story behind this photo, but I want to know!

Where the racists live

There were very few places that voted more heavily Republican than Democratic this year:

The darker red an area is, the more heavily it favored Republicans this cycle than in 2004.

There's a few places that can be explained away: Arizona and Alaska obviously favored their natives, Arkansas folks were probably bitter about Hillary not getting the nomination, and the Gulf Coast probably liked McCain's proposals for offshore drilling. But, excepting that, you're left with basically a map of where the racists in America live; the people who refused to vote for Obama just because he's (half-)black (or Muslim!). There's a "racist belt" running from West Virginia down Appalachia into North Texas. (Actually, this probably masks much of the racist south because black turnout was probably much higher in the rural flatlands of Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia.)

ETA: Apparently the NYT discovered that their cool map that I used to generate that graphic above was itself a story. They do a better job of explaining the demographics involved but stop short of calling the (literal) hillbillies the racists that they are. (The story uses the horrible euphemism "less exposed to ...diversity".)

ETA Part 2: Other people are starting to find new angles on this. Strange Maps has a really eerie overlay of 1860s cotton production vs. 2008 voting records, which helps explain why parts of the rural south didn't show up on the map above.

Attack Ad

Facebook insults Luke. Check out the ad they ran with this picture from the Halloween party:

From Lulzy

Cold blooded, Facebook.

Bjork explains how television works

Remember, you shouldn't let poets lie to you.

Entire Sonz concert from the SOA Halloween Soiree 2008 on Youtube

Rumble Armageddon / Secret Quiche
On Our Own
Pagan Surf Party
Sonz Risin' Again / Acworth Sonz Still Shines
Devil, You Ain't Gonna Bite Me on the Ass
They Got All The Parts
Damn Moles
One Playa Game
Wacky Assed Cracker / I Wanna Get Freaky With Martha Stewart
Light the Gator on Fire

It's so cold in the D

Big ups to Pat B and Crowe:



How the fuck do we 'posed to keep peace?

Nobama or Nocandy

It makes me sad that there's only a few more days of magical videos like this:


The pro-Obama kids just want to redistribute the candy anyway.

Please kids, spend the next 4 years toilet papering this vile being's house. They practically gave her name and address.

ETA:
Sarah Palin understands the racism! Her husband is an octoroon native Alaskan. She lives with racism ALL THE TIME!


Oh, please keep doing dumb things after tomorrow Sarah. I'd miss you terribly.

Take your cut

Look this over. I've matched people's donations to the expenses they went toward. Here's the breakdown:

Jonz $265 (mugs)
Foo $200 (gator)
Crowe $100 (gator)
Mike $100 (gator)
Bob $50 (kegs)
Patrick Cook $100 (kegs)
Jonz $135 (liquor/misc)
Foo $160 (liquor)
Jonz $150 (lights/misc)
Crowe $270 (liquor/lights/misc)
Luke $100 (catering)
Josh $60 (kegs)
Crowe $400 (kegs)

So we spent ~$2090 and took in ~$1560 (I have the get the exact dollar amount from Jonz). That's a slight loss, but Mike, Bob, and Josh asked to waive their return. So everyone's cut of what was made back is:

Patrick Cook (donated $100) = 5.32% or $82.98
Foo (donated $360) = 19.15% or $298.72
Jonz (donated $550) = 29.26% or $456.38
Luke (donated $100) = 5.32% or $82.98
Crowe (donated $770) = 40.96% or $638.94

One note before the party

From Lulzy

Soiree = TODAY

Soiree Countdown... 1 day til' soiree!

$7 at the door, or FIVE BUCKS in advance with a ticket!

Alternatively, use paypal for your presale ticket online! (Click the "Buy Now" button on the event page)



BEER!!
MARGARITAS!!
HUNCH PUNCH!!
BANDS!!
DJs!!
FIRE DANCING!!
54-FOOT ALLIGATOR OBSTACLE COURSE!!

Soiree Countdown... 2 Days

10 years ago, we were sitting in the North Cobb High School lunchroom joking about writing a song about how much of an ass our chemistry teacher was.

This friday night, we unleash the best Halloween party in the ATL.

http://www.myspace.com/sonzevents

Boogie in your Butt

A classic. Eddie Murphy at his finest.

He's back

Skip the first 35 seconds or so; there's a surprise ending.

Mark Wahlberg Backstage

"Everything on the Dollar Menu... OHHH SNAP!"

\
Credit to "delete my Wigs account" Hinkle

She needs a stepstool to see Russia from her house

La Pequena Sarah Palin:


Also, the NYTimes slandered me a bit today, in an article about racist voters:

“I don’t want to sound like I’m prejudiced,” Ms. Mendive said. “I’ve never been around a lot of black people before. I just worry that they’re nice to your face but then when they get around their own people you just have to worry about what they’re going to do to you.”

Vance responded: “One thing you have to remember is that Obama, he’s half white and he was raised by his white mother. So his views are more white than black really.”

That's actually a Ms Vance they're quoting, who although ignorant and racist-sounding actually works for the Obama campaign.

Also, phrasing anything as "I don't want to sound X but..." means that you are sounding exactly like X. As in, "I don't want to sound like a pedophile, but your little sister hasn't been hot since she turned 15".

You Fucked that Man's Car Up

I'm surprised I hadn't heard this charming Wesley Willis diddy before:

The Party Hype Continues...

Barack Rolled

Quick! Pick the better one!

Mock-ups of the souvenir glow-in-the-dark beer steins for the Halloween party:

A


B


Pick your favorite! The answer has to go to the printer Monday morning.

The reason Obama will Win

Because the only Republicans left are people like this angry fellow:

You can stop watching after 1:30 (or you can watch Sarah Palin Parking Lot part I and II for more goofy bitters). Doesn't he remind you of that "Wrestling is real to me, dammit" guy? Or basically any grandparent you've ever met?

All that's left in the Republican party is anger and fear. McCain has been running 100% negative ads for the past few weeks, and, seriously, these people give a standing ovation against socialism? What is this, 1952?

Chocolate flavored AYDS

Pagan dance party

I search YouTube for "pagan dance party," and here it is! It's exactly like I pictured it.

Boyfriend of Kansas Woman Stuck to Toilet Wins Lottery for Second Time This Year

Awesome...

Welcome to the Terrordoll

Fisher-Price dolls, now programmed by al-Qaeda. Burqa sold seperately.


Only on Fox.

My mother's e-mail to President Bush

From: Mary Jo McGinley
Subject: Insane Bailout
To: president@whitehouse.gov
Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 2:32 PM

Stop this bailout !!!!
You are and have been selling us down the river.
Please try to gather any shred of decency you have left and stand up against this bailout of your friends and cronies.
Deregulation has done nothing but fleece the American people.
I have no doubt that history will record you as the worst president in history.

Mary Jo McGinley

The White House's automatic response

From: comments@whitehouse.gov
Subject:
To: Mary Jo McGinley
Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 2:32 PM

On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.

We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions.

Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House cannot respond to
every message.

Thank you again for taking the time to write.

Pipe Wrench Fight

If the song were about the video:

The reason Obama will lose

There are 300 million other retards in America like this.

Mark Wahlberg talks to animals

From SNL last night--one of the rare gems that makes the show still worth watching.

Dog owner punches shark

"Oh thats a big shark."

Marvel's Ultimate Stephen Colbert

Spider-Man & Stephen Colbert are set to team up in Amazing Spider-Man #573

Show your support! Hinkle '08 Campaign Shirts

How is Hinkle going to become president this November if all of you don't go on over to the Sonz of Acworth Cafepress Store and buy one of these delightful shirts this instant? I really don't know and you don't either. So by all means, go get one if you want Hinkle to have a snowball's chance in hell of winning. I did.

God Bless America.

Ripping the Snot Out of Dragoncon 2007 - THE DELETED SCENES!

"Gentlemen, behold!"

BREAKING NEWS! Clay Aiken is a homosexual

Check out Fox News with the full scoop!

I can't believe it.

McCain's plan to get more "Gasolina"

Sen. John McCain is endorsed by Latin recording artist Daddy Yankee during a news conference at Central High School today in Phoenix, Arizona. Sen. McCain made an appearance with Puerto Rican reggaeton musician Daddy Yankee.

Young Vin Diesel, B-Boy...

We should send him an invite & get him to break dance at the Halloween Party!

Going Swayze Crazy

I wish I could set this as my ringback

From the 80's Christian ska band Sonseed:

Zap!

Spy Movie: Eight Years in the Making

My current rate of video production is about half a second to 3.5 seconds per day. When I started working on this video, I though it would be a one-off thing that would be finished in a weekend (much like the half-finished chalk drawing of Mega Man on the carport wall). Instead, I (perhaps unwisely) used it as a vehicle for my first experiment with Apple's motion graphics program, Motion, effectively stretching a weekend project into a three-month trek. I think the plot revolved around the idea that an evil corporation was hiding nuclear warheads in the kitchen at Mexico Tipico. I give you "Spy Movie."


This is the original, unedited VHS-C recording, circa 2000:


Spy Movie from Chris Jones on Vimeo.


And here's the final, George Lucas'd version of my dreams. It's worth it to go fullscreen on this one:


Spy Movie from Chris Jones on Vimeo.

The captchas are hitting closer to home

I was adding a friend on Facebook just now and this charming little captcha popped up like a reminder about the first thing on my to-do list:

...A quick tale from Dragon*Con 2008...

At Dragon*Con this year, we didn't film anything. After just wrapping up the documentary trilogy with what I feel is a crowning achievement in the art of Justin Manis fucking with people (see previous post), we decided to just kick it old school and have a laid back DC this year. I didn't even bring a camcorder with me.

So, we did have an excellent time. But there was one great bit that I probably would have filmed if I had a device with me to do so. We found an empty panel room that Manis took over and started his own panel in, which ended up getting attendance from a decent crowd of about 8 or 9 passers by, and 8 or so in our own entourage.

The primary topic covered during the panel was the drinking of urine. I don't know how urine imbibing continues to be so humorous a topic, but looking back at the Sonz of Acworth back catalog it's an evergreen, common recurring theme for some reason. Manis was quickly joined by some famous additional panelists to field questions asked from the audience in the room, and this picture that my girlfriend took basically tells you the rest. It's just a great photo:



The Scarecrow, Link from The Legend of Zelda, and Justin Manis.

Ripping The Snot Out of Dragon*Con 2007

Hot tamale!

The preferred way to enjoy this film is on crystal clear DVD. Hit me up about that.

In lieu of that, here are some other alternatives:

Download the Divx video
(Go to the "Save File to Your PC" link on the page)

Or, watch it right here on Google Video in 'bleh' quality:

There's Got to Be a Better Way 2: Ironic Boogaloo

Great product, but how do I open it? Maybe I could buy two and they could do some sort of gadget 69 and open each other. But at least I'll be able to open my battery operated battery installer now.

That is a moment for the history books

Its all about the MPGs?

I still think he killed Biggie.

Sex, drugs, and Christian Rock?

Guitar Praise songlist includes:

12 Stones Broken
Bride Same Ol' Sinner
Caedmons Call There You Go
Casting Crowns Lifesong
Chris Tomlin Made to Worship
Darrell Evans So Good To Me
David Crowder Band Foreverandever Etc.
Day Of Fire Reap and Sow
dc Talk Jesus Freak
Family Force 5 Love Addict
Flyleaf Perfect
Hawk Nelson The Show
Hawk Nelson Friend Like That
Inhabited Rescue Me
Israel & New Breed All Around
James Clay Franklin Park
Jared Anderson Blind Man
Jennifer Knapp Undo Me
Jeremy Camp Tonight
Jessie Daniels What I Hear
Jonah33 Father's Song
Josh Bates Perfect Day
Kutless Beyond the Surface
Kutless Hearts of the Innocent
Lincoln Brewster Spin
Nate Sallie All About You
Nevertheless The Real
Newsboys Something Beautiful
Paul Baloche Rock of Ages
Paul Baloche All The Earth Will Sing Your Praises
Petra Backsliding Blues
Pillar When Tommorrow Comes
Red Breathe Into Me
Relient K I Need You
Seventh Day Slumber Awake
Skillet The Older I Get
Skillet Rebirthing
Skillet Savior
Spoken Wind In My Sails
Spoken Falling Further
Spur 58 Sleepwalkers
Stellar Kart Procrastinating
Superchick We Live
The Crucified The Pit
This Beautiful Republic Going Under
Thousand Foot Krutch The Flame in All of Us
Thousand Foot Krutch The Art of Breaking
tobyMac I'm For You
Todd Agnew This Fragile Breath
Warren Barfield My Heart Goes Out
Whitecross Who Will You Follow
Whitecross When The Walls Tumble Down

Flyleaf? WTF?
FUN FACT: Brad Allen was in the band Family Force 5. He is listed as a former member on their Wikipedia page.

Fucking delicious

Weng Weng

I love you my Weng Weng.

"What more do you want?"

How much for an extra topping or two?

This is the Double Roll Pizza, from Pizza Hut Japan. I don't know if this is some subtle laugh-at-American-fatties novelty there, or just something people like. Not speaking Japanese or getting a good explanation from the site I lifted this image from, here's what I think we have:
-Pigs in a blanket (and is that bacon underneath?) ringing half the pizza
-Some other rolled item (Cheese? Whale blubber? Both?) ringing the other half
-Pepperoni
-Corn
-Peas
-Miniature hamburger patties
-Peppers
-The Hope diamond
-A herd of grazing wildebeest
-Mushrooms
-Scads of cheap electronics
-Is that chopped peanuts on top of the pepperoni?
-Yuck

Oh you silly Japanese. Keep it up and and you'll be as fat as Americans in no time.

ETA: Life imitates joke. Sadly, life's pizza is more overburdened than even The Onion's.

Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

A song by Crispin Glover

One of the many reasons to not play soccer

I love the soccer player's "what the fuck?" expression at the end.

I was wondering about this the other day, too

Thank goodness m1a1mike stopped by to clear that up for us.

Rock me, Sexy Jesus

A clip from Hamlet 2:


It's actually spelled with two X's, but thanks anyway guys. My abs do in fact transcend space and time.

Apparently, there was some sort of youtube music video contest for this song as a promo for the movie, so if you search the tubez for "sexy jesus", you'll find more musical tributes to me than you can shake a crucifix at.

Redneck Dating

Redneck Video Dating Disaster - Watch more free videos

President Bush at the Olympic Games

Ok, I think I'm actually coming around and just starting to like this guy again at this point. Funniest President Ever.

"...the city of... Atlanta?"

Ah, remember twelve years ago when the world's attention was on the "Dirty Dirty"? One thing to forget was the opening ceremonies. Nothing says class like silver plated Chevy trucks! I remember seeing this and being embarrassed to be from the ATL. The only way Beijing can top this effort is having a few thousand locals deliver the sesame chicken to the stadium while dry cleaning shirts. I guess we will see...

Oh by the way, Izzy had an SNES game.

New favorite tag

Why should the sense of smell get the genitals all to them selves? What about the sense of hearing?



I spend too much time on the internet, don't I?

Sprinkler energy harvesting conspiracy

Warning: take caution in watching this, man. This video may possibly BLOW YOUR FREAKING MINDHOLE!!!.



At last, someone has exposed the truth. We as a nation have got to ask ourselves what is going on. But first, as a nation, we would like to frolic in the spray a little bit and cool down a tad, because we as a nation are, frankly, getting sweaty and probably, yes, a little stinky. It's nearly 90 degrees outside and gawd is it humid.

My favorite line is probably this: "Not just around our sun and moon anymore... everywhere we look, the visible spectrum is RAINBOWS!". So, 20 years ago, before things got all crazy, you saw things as they should be: colors ringed the sun, moonbows circled the sky in the night, and the visible spectrum was made up of only black, fuchsia, and that orange that glows in blacklights. Let me tell you what the conspiracy you've been exposed to is called: sobriety. Now that the 70s brown acid has worn off, you'll start to notice that things don't behave like they used to. Welcome to the desert of the real, where rainbows appear commonly in refracting light from any source of water vapor and the visible spectrum runs from red to violet. Enjoy your stay. Plox to be adding moar vidz kthnx.

PS: Happy 200th Wig, 2008. Stay classy.

There's got to be a better way!

I'd love to go to that Evanescence concert with you, but I don't think I'll be able to make it. No, I've got to stay home and cut some pizza. What? There's a way I can get all my pizza cutting done and still have time for the concert? Tell me more!


The Pizza Pro - from SkyMall.

Every new utensil is another cry for help.

An extraordinary nutsnack

Unfortunately the version of this commercial airing on TV now just says "extraordinary snack." I guess they realized their nutsnack was hanging out.

Hand Knight had a better plot...

When changing your movie marquee from Hancock to The Dark Knight, it might be better to work from right to left...


But when you're putting up a billboard for Hancock, you should start in the other direction.

Hungarian Cassette-player Commercial

From Something Awful - "Tough Choices" My favourite:

Whenever you talk, live shrimp begin crawling out of your mouth.

What the Shit?

From the article:

A tipster says that there is "a government animal testing facility very close by in Long Island," but unless the government is trying to design horrible Montauk monsters that will eat IEDs and fart fire at bad Iraqis, we're not sure why they would create such an unthinkable beast.

Personally I'm more worried about running into one of these...



Fuck that!

A step down

The music industry has finally jumped the shark. Backwards. Inside a fridge. Have you heard Chris Brown's new song "Forever" yet? Yeah, me neither, but it goes like this:



A hit song? Yes:

In April, Mr. Brown's record label, Jive, released the song to radio stations and digital download services as a single. After the song became a hit, Jive added it to his 2007 album, "Exclusive," and re-released the album in June. "Forever" reached No. 4 on Billboard magazine's Hot 100 chart last week.

It sounds muddled and cliched to me, but I'd probably say that about all R+B. So sure it's bad, but it's worse than you think. It turns out, the song is actually a stealth advertisement. Did you notice the chorus "Double your pleasure / Double your fun"? Sound familiar? The song is a corporate plant. Wrigley's Gum hired Brown to write and sing this song, paid to have it produced, and paid to release it as a single. All of which they'll be revealing at a press conference today - after it's already become a hit. Farewell pop music.

Maybe I should just sit back and smile at the punking of the American pop music scene - the types of people who listen to mainstream radio, maybe they deserve this. Maybe when you mindlessly tap along with whatever Clear Channel force feeds you, this is the natural product. Maybe this will teach pop music fans to start applying a critical filter to what they hear.

But don't count on it. What this will probably be is just another step in the long decline of our culture into a depressing commercial miasma. When movie theatres started showing ads before movies in the 80s, people booed, but after a few months, they accepted it. Most of our "culture" is already corporate-sponsored anyway - movies have been giant product placement vehicles for years (and now, so is the "news"), television has always been provided free by our corporate overlords, why should music have held out for so long? So, get ready for the billboard 100 to become a corporate derby, for commercials-only radio stations, for rap remixes of Head On's Apply Directly to the Forehead and country ballads asking you to Eat Mor Chikin. We'll get only what we deserve.

Hey, what's on TV?

The purple box means it's a movie.

The album art from John Travolta's "Let Her In"

Meat

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Drunken Santa to deliver presents to children!

I am GuantanamoX

The Torture Playlist:

Music has been used in American military prisons and on bases to induce sleep deprivation, "prolong capture shock," disorient detainees during interrogations—and also drown out screams. Based on a leaked interrogation log, news reports, and the accounts of soldiers and detainees, here are some of the songs that guards and interrogators chose.

Actually, this is probably better than what's on the radio. And isn't playing Rage a little counterproductive? "Fuck you I won't do what you told me".

Who needs "The Dark Knight" when you can watch this?

Alas my friends Techno Viking has arrived!

This one is an oldie but still a classic.

Show Me Your Genitals

More comedy from Jon Lajoie.

Gary Busey on Business.

This is the best thing ever! Here's a sample...

Zombies Might Like This.

Suck the brain ... er... mucus from your child's nose. Nosefrida



From the FAQs:

"I know my child has mucus but nothing comes out. How do I get the really thick stuff out?"