Monday, June 30, 2008
Watch this guy scream like a bitch!
Ok, so apparently this guy has never been on a treadmill before!
Find me a "Dark Side of the Moon" for this "Wizard of Oz"
This is a horribly compressed version of the Sonz of Acworth "Background Video" which was projected behind the band when we did a show at US Play in the year 2000. This video, which is a one-and-a-half hour, genius piece of mostly improvised lo-fi art in and of itself, has no soundtrack. If you want to invest some time in watching this thing, I'd suggest flipping through your iTunes library and coming up with something nice to listen to along with it. If you find something that matches up to it particularly good, be so kind as to let me know.
Sonz of Acworth - Background Video for Performances from Ryan Fuquea on Vimeo.
Sonz of Acworth - Background Video for Performances from Ryan Fuquea on Vimeo.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
A man just died in front of my house
Apparently he drove straight into the side of the old wings place on the corner and his brain was spilling out. The street is lit up with radio cars like a cerulean Christmas tree. More details forthcoming.
Fo shizzle Willie Nelson-izzle.
Snoop Dogg feat. Willie Nelson - "My Medicine"
Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson performing Super Man, live at the Melkweg in Amsterdam, April 21, 2008.
Snoop Dogg My Medicine @ Melkweg 2008 featuring Willy Nelson
Sonz of Acworth, occasionally a functioning band
Here's a couple of old Sonz concert videos.
The first one is us performing "Acworth Fresh" to the tune of Herbie Hancock's "Chameleon", with an extraordinarily religious conclusion:
Next, a bizarre digital-gong-laden cover of the song "Breasts of Life" by local rap group Live on Arrival (LOA):
And if you're still intrigued, jump over to Youtube to see a pretty decent rendition of "Ghetto Falsetto" from the same show.
The first one is us performing "Acworth Fresh" to the tune of Herbie Hancock's "Chameleon", with an extraordinarily religious conclusion:
Next, a bizarre digital-gong-laden cover of the song "Breasts of Life" by local rap group Live on Arrival (LOA):
And if you're still intrigued, jump over to Youtube to see a pretty decent rendition of "Ghetto Falsetto" from the same show.
Napoleon Dynamite impersonation during spelling bee
This just makes me smile. Maybe it was a dare, who knows?
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Hubris and Bacon
Nothing was made to last forever; everything changes, dies, and rots. But man, using hubris-fed science and a nose-holding disregard for his own stomach, has always sought to conquer the debilitating effects of time and decay in the most crucial of areas: our pantries. Thus, we end up with disgusting products like deep mined snack cakes*, carcinogenic deli meat, pork brains in milk gravy, and now this abomination:
Bacon. In a can. For humans. To eat.
Accdording to the web site that sells this "food", the canned bacon has a shelf life of 10 years. That's a longer shelf life than anything in my pantry. Hell, that's longer than the actual shelves in my pantry will last.
Mmmm, nothing says appetizing like the words "shelf-stable".
You know how manufacturers will use trick photography, or specially hand-crafted versions of their product so that they get the best possible, most appealing shot of their product, even if it has no bearing to the actual end result? Like how in the ads, a Big Mac looks about 2 feet tall and as sharp and boldly colored as a Mondrian painting, but when you get it it looks like it's freshly poured from a blender and as colorful as a thunderstorm? Yeah, this is that shot:
Mmm, wax paper and grease. The site adds "Ready to eat right out of the can or toss it in a pan to heat it up". Yes cold bacon. Out of a can. Just as good!
Why would anyone subject themselves to this? And at $110 per case, no less? According to the site "this bacon makes a perfect addition to your food storage program". Which means, of course, that this is targeted to the mouth-breathing, tin hatted, bomb shelter hoarders. So, in the event that your duct tape and plastic does actually save you from the UN-funded Islamofascist apocalypse, you'll still be able to maintain some semblance of normalcy (obesity and high cholesterol), and preserve the most precious values of Western civilization (hubris and bacon).
Let's eat! You think they make a vegetarian version?
* Okay, I don't think I've ever had a twinkie, so I don't know if they're just disgusting in theory, or actually disgusting when you eat them.
Bacon. In a can. For humans. To eat.
Accdording to the web site that sells this "food", the canned bacon has a shelf life of 10 years. That's a longer shelf life than anything in my pantry. Hell, that's longer than the actual shelves in my pantry will last.
Mmmm, nothing says appetizing like the words "shelf-stable".
You know how manufacturers will use trick photography, or specially hand-crafted versions of their product so that they get the best possible, most appealing shot of their product, even if it has no bearing to the actual end result? Like how in the ads, a Big Mac looks about 2 feet tall and as sharp and boldly colored as a Mondrian painting, but when you get it it looks like it's freshly poured from a blender and as colorful as a thunderstorm? Yeah, this is that shot:
Mmm, wax paper and grease. The site adds "Ready to eat right out of the can or toss it in a pan to heat it up". Yes cold bacon. Out of a can. Just as good!
Why would anyone subject themselves to this? And at $110 per case, no less? According to the site "this bacon makes a perfect addition to your food storage program". Which means, of course, that this is targeted to the mouth-breathing, tin hatted, bomb shelter hoarders. So, in the event that your duct tape and plastic does actually save you from the UN-funded Islamofascist apocalypse, you'll still be able to maintain some semblance of normalcy (obesity and high cholesterol), and preserve the most precious values of Western civilization (hubris and bacon).
Let's eat! You think they make a vegetarian version?
* Okay, I don't think I've ever had a twinkie, so I don't know if they're just disgusting in theory, or actually disgusting when you eat them.
Don't Be Hatin
Speaking of Maury moments, this one takes it. If you've ever been drunk with me, you might recognize some of these lines:
You might be getting tired of Maury videos. But so what! Don't hate. I've posted at least 15 Maury videos. One time for a pair of sneakers. And I'm not gonna stop! Don't hate.
You might be getting tired of Maury videos. But so what! Don't hate. I've posted at least 15 Maury videos. One time for a pair of sneakers. And I'm not gonna stop! Don't hate.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
All I need is my butt and I
This might be helpful if you're planning to sing some Joe Cocker at karaoke soon. I didn't make this, but I should have.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Back to the 50's
Colin's 50's Project from Chris Jones on Vimeo.
The beginning got recorded over with some high school graduation nonsense, so it starts a couple minutes in.
Rene Descartes, superstar
Rene Descartes from Chris Jones on Vimeo.
While watching this, you'll probably notice that you're not in my living room, which was hitherto the only venue for this classic film. We are in the future--a future even Rene Descartes could not have realized.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Speaking of the 80's
Things you can't do coked up:
Etc. Follow the link for more.
- LEAVE THE DJ ALONE Well what CDs are you willing to play??! I’ve got some rockin’ French techno on me!!!
- JENGA
- FIND YOUR MOTHERF*&%ING DEALER
- PLAY HARD TO GET You can’t have it (yes you can!!!). Wheeeeee!
- LOOK AS GOOD IN THE PHOTO AS YOU FELT WHEN IT WAS TAKEN
- REMAIN MODERATE DURING A DEBATE I’m telling you!! If we abolish government altogether…
- IGNORE THE BATHROOM ATTENDANT And a $20 for you, good sir.
- MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT
- DISLIKE RICK JAMES
Etc. Follow the link for more.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Here's a nice snapshot
Here are some faces of people that look like they belong in the 80s. Notice about halfway through, Mr. Belvedere.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Letterman blasts Bush & Cheney
Saw this Letterman interview with Scott McClellan last night and was surprised CBS aired Dave saying this! In the immortal words of The Crying Wrestling Fan... "Thanks for saying what needed to be said!"
More favorite tag
I like lighthouses, I like gummie-bears, but for some reason, I don't really want to put these in my mouth.
And, speaking of penises:
The Sun UK has found the holy grail of freakish birth defect stories: Baby born with two penises! And the extra one is on his back! Seriously! The story is pretty sparse (as Sun UK stories tend to be), but being the dogged penis-investigator that I am, I did a little, ahem, poking around. It turns out that the condition that caused this, fetus in fetu, means that what really happened was that he absorbed his proto-twin's fetus in the womb, enveloping and destroying his potential brother. Except his penis! That's how ugly the destroyed fetus was! (Possible rejection line this kid can use as an adult: "I wouldn't touch your penis even if you were being slowly absorbed into my ribcage in a parasitic relationship! So, no, I don't want your number. Huh? Oh, sure you can buy me a drink.")
You can follow the link for the uncensored pic, if your in to that sort of thing (and really, who isn't). The sad news is that they removed the extra penis, meaning that he probably won't be able to con his masseuse into giving him free face-down happy endings and making erotic slow-dancing a lot less graceful.
And, speaking of penises:
The Sun UK has found the holy grail of freakish birth defect stories: Baby born with two penises! And the extra one is on his back! Seriously! The story is pretty sparse (as Sun UK stories tend to be), but being the dogged penis-investigator that I am, I did a little, ahem, poking around. It turns out that the condition that caused this, fetus in fetu, means that what really happened was that he absorbed his proto-twin's fetus in the womb, enveloping and destroying his potential brother. Except his penis! That's how ugly the destroyed fetus was! (Possible rejection line this kid can use as an adult: "I wouldn't touch your penis even if you were being slowly absorbed into my ribcage in a parasitic relationship! So, no, I don't want your number. Huh? Oh, sure you can buy me a drink.")
You can follow the link for the uncensored pic, if your in to that sort of thing (and really, who isn't). The sad news is that they removed the extra penis, meaning that he probably won't be able to con his masseuse into giving him free face-down happy endings and making erotic slow-dancing a lot less graceful.
Acworth's "Charlie's Original Oyster King" restaurant sellin' mad dope
This place always looked "fishy" to me, bad pun fully intended. So, it turns out they were selling drugs out of this place for God knows how long. You can read the article here.
Incidentally, look at this fucking guy who was running the joint:
He's pretty obviously on something besides oysters...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
"What you talking about Peter Pan?"
Gary Coleman from "Diff'rent Strokes" fame dangled over the audience during the "TV Land Awards."
Monday, June 9, 2008
A tribute to "Cheaters" Joey Greco
I've been watching a lot of Cheaters lately. Gotta love that Joey Greco!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Hangover double feature
Stay tuned at least until the fight scene and excessive dance celebration around 2:15.
How unrealistic. Spider woman can't fly.
This is art:
David Caruso at his finest … Looks like a crappy show to me. YEEAHHHHHH
How unrealistic. Spider woman can't fly.
This is art:
David Caruso at his finest …
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