Dragon*Con 07 Festivities

Dragon*Con is this weekend, and we'll probably shoot some footy once again. If you are in the Atlanta area and you have the means, make yourself be there. Here's hoping we aren't slapped to death by angry Battlestar Galactica fans who think we aren't "into anything". Come on, everybody is into something. Some people are just into boring shit like feet, but at least they're into something. Irish Mike happens to like "animals and stuff" I've heard. Certainly we can all agree that no matter who you are, you've got to be a Michael Vick fan. Why? Because he is a mogul. Plus, he found Jesus! Which is something you should obviously do as well if you're reading this website. I think he left some clues somewhere. He's definitely easier to find than Carmen Sandiego at any rate. Just where in the world is that bitch?

By the way, did you know that Mavis Beacon of the famous "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing!" software was never even a real person? How in the world are you going to teach shit if you don't even exist? Like I said, go find Jesus, the world is insane.



Bullshit! Google it, it's a total sham.

Miss Teen South Carolina answers a question

Taebo Hip-Hop Dancercise for Kids

This routine is one of many hip-hop dance instructional aerobic workouts designed for your children. My personal favorite is "Slob on My Knob Spongebob," although the "Small Harlem Vanilla Shake" comes second.

Joe Nasty say...

This Blogger thing really got me thinking, so I set up an ancillary Joe Nasty-themed spot, exclusively for your best Joe Nasty stories.
http://joenastysay.blogspot.com/

Black Sheep

This MIGHT be better than "Bats," considering in a strict two-party comparative, SOMETHING has to be better than the other.

This girl is HOT.

Tropical Storm Erin (Aaron) & Hurricane Dean

Erin(Aaron)-On August 16 Erin made landfall near Lamar, Texas and persisted
over land across Texas before moving northward into Oklahoma. The storm
resulted in at least 13 fatalities and worsened an already-severe flooding
problem in Texas.

Dean - Hurricane Dean intensifies as it passes south of Grand Cayman. It is
likely to become a category 5 later today.

An odd coincidence? I think not. This may mark the 7th sign.

The faithful flock to Lilburn

So, what do you think about this majestic Hindu mandir being erected in metro Atlanta, the largest of its kind outside of India?

New Merchandise

So you need some new Sonz of Acworth fashion or "Joe Nasty" branded baby bibs? It's your lucky day because now you can find all that and more at:

http://www.cafepress.com/sonzofacworth

Animate!

Still not too sure what this is. But it seems noir enough that it reminds me of better days. Cryptic, I know.

Kroger Training Pants

What happened to Psycho Jack?

This picture was taken by a friend of my Mother while she was traveling in Indonesia. This man went by the name Jacku Lingey. So this is what psycho Jack is up to these days??

Nice Compilation

Handi-capable horror

Slap me if this has made the rounds, but I find it way too entertaining. It is a consortium or class of sorts being made to discuss their horror movie about werewolves. Choice!

Who wants some Rick Astley?!?

MOTHER TERESA 07 TOPPS CARD

HERE IS YOUR CHANCE TO OWN AN AUTHENTIC CUT SIGNATURE OF MOTHER TERESA - THE ONLY AUTOGRAPH OF IT'S KIND PRODUCED IN THE TRADING CARD MARKET AND ERA !
THIS CARD WAS PULLED OUT OF 2007 TOPPS ALLEN AND GINTER'S AT THE 28TH NATIONAL SPORTS COLLECTORS CONVENTION BY THE OWNER OF WOLVERINE SPORTS CARDS. THE TWELVE BOX CASE WAS PURCHASED FROM DAVE AND ADAMS SPORTSCARD WORLD, NEW YORK.
IMMEDIATLY AFTER THIS MOTHER TERESA CUT AUTO WAS PULLED IT WAS TAKEN TO BECKETT GRADING SERVICES FOR AUTHENTICATION. BECKETT WAS OVERJOYED TO SEE SUCH A MASTERPIECE AND THEY WERE MORE THAN ACCOMODATING TO PROVIDE THE SERVICE OF CONFIRMINING THE CARDS AUTHENTICITY. THIS CARD WAS GIVEN EXTREME HIGH PRIORITY - AS IT IS SUCH A RARE PEICE.
WOLVERINE SPORTS CARDS WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE AT BECKETT GRADING SERVICES FOR MAINTAINING A VERY PROFESSIONAL DEMEANOR WHILE HANDLING THIS VERY RARE MASTERPIECE. THEY TOOK THE TIME AND CARE TO ENSURE THIS MOTHER TERESA CARD WAS WELL TAKEN CARE OF IN A TIMELY FASHION.
THIS MOTHER TERESA AUTOGRAPH CUT WOULD GRADE A 9.5 GEM MINT - HOWEVER THE TITLE OF AUTHENTIC IS A MUCH HIGHER VALUE TO THIS CARD.

Sexy Watermelon

Sonz of Acworth playin' a little "Foo Dogs" circa early 2000's at the Cotton Club:

Blacktrick Bennett

How 'bout Blacktrick Bennett, y'all?

Sample your stool

As a general rule of thumb, shit-doctors highly recommend you maintain your leavings somewhere between types 3 and 5:



For a fun game, find out where you rank? How does your stool compare to past famous people? Are you a 6 like Abraham Lincoln, or a 4 like Indira Gandhi?

Stick Around

On Tyler Lingwall's last night as a Georgia resident for the foreseeable future, we convened at his mostly empty apartment for an evening of dignified melancholy conversation, cheese and wine. Everything was going swimmingly, but eventually Luke and Patrick became somewhat inebriated, as illustrated in this highlight reel:



Unfortunately I was unable to capture any footage of the two hour conversation that took place later that evening about tracheotomy porn. Your loss, I'm afraid.

This would be great with some fine champagne-ya...

Things that are stiff

Today I go to work 3 Steel Reserves deep. Don't tell anybody because it's painting weekend, and I have to reconnect all the computers. Hey Foo/Jonz, can we initiate a project to begin digitizing the wonderful home videos you'se (sic) have made over the past decade? Maybe a DVD full of all of them?

How's that soda, Blair Meeks?

I'm almost certain that we ran into this local newsman the other night on our way to the Brick Store Pub in Decatur. We rounded a corner and there he was, carrying two sodas, with a Secret Service-style ear bud draped across his shoulder.

Upon looking for a picture of this NBC affiliate investigative reporter for the above artist's rendering, I came across a number of interesting facts about Mr. Meeks:

• Is originally from Lilburn, GA
• Earned a Bachelor's degree in journalism from the University of Missouri
• Loves exercise and outdoor sports
• Has both male and female reproductive organs. He keeps both in jars of formaldehyde on his mantle
• Is the only journalist to go back in time (together with "Time-Traveling Scott Joplin") to investigate the business practices of ancient Chinese merchant Wong Lang-Fong. Mr Lang-Fong was apparently the originator of the caustic acid-boiled cardboard filling in pork buns
• Is the proud owner of three Emmy statues
• Is currently working with Chris Hansen to arrange another timetrip to ancient Greece to expose Olympian boy-sex. Mr. Hansen states, "I'm proud to be working with Blair on this important issue, even though he has a girl's name. We're going to nail these assholes. Ironic pun not intended, of course."
  

Drunken Karaoke

"Lose Yourself" in the style of Eminem

Disgusting advertising

A little while ago I'm screwing around on MySpace trolling for sexual predators like my idol Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC (aka "Chrish Hanshen") when I notice this really disgusting banner advertisement throbbing in and out:




I'm never usually one to click on banner ads, in fact I mentally block them out most of the time subconsciously. Something about this one, with it's challenging statement "This will freak you out!" (as if you know me!) and the question of what this could possibly be advertising called out to me and made me want to defy it. So, I clicked on through the banner, prepared for some kind of sick larvae-fetish website to splash all over my screen...

Where I actually ended up was this site:





Yes, the Swami Knows!

Any swami that begins by asking what my gender is already is a very poor swami in my book because, well, shouldn't a fucking swami know the answer already? He's also asking for "UR" gender, like he's some kind of dumbass trying to text message me my fortune.

From my few minutes checking out the Swami's site, I fail to understand the connection between the larvae, juices and filth that promise to freak me out in the banner and the idiotic no-talent assclown "Swami" who allegedly "knows" something... nothing really freaked me out, but I do have to commend it as an example of genius marketing.

I had always heard that he was nice to his bitches...

In this weeks edition of Why the Hellz didn't I Think of THAT Theater...



Pride of Virginia Tech, Falcon-er and PETA spokesman Ron Mexico Michael Vick recently had a canine chew toy created in his likeness… well sort of his likeness.



Awww! Isn't that just precious! Sic his ass, Fido!

Rainbow Fucking Randolph!!!

'(singing)Friends come in all sizes. That's a fact! It's True!
All colors of the rainbow from Mauve to Blue...Their names may
not be different and their shoes may not match One might say
'grasp' while the other says 'snatch' Some like to toss while
others like to caaaaatch... Beeee-caaaause...Friends come in
all sizes Take it from me! Golly Gee! Size never matters when
you want some friendly patter From a pal who is true and can
lift you when you're blue You can count on him and he can
count on yoooouuuu! It's true... that...(big finish)
  Friends come in all sizes! YES...THEY...DO!!!'

Stevie Wonder gon' get you, Grover

Joe Nasty get right down to it

Joe Nasty come over to your house and unplug your air conditioner, leaving you very hot and agitated. While you bend over to plug your air conditioner back in, Joe Nasty beat you to death with the blunt force of a rough-hewn, heavy burlap sack of Michael Vick's mangled dog parts repeatedly swung about your head and neck.

Monkey gives a cat a bath

The other day, Wendell was sprayed by a skunk while walking in from our front yard, and he ran indoors screaming bloody terror. It was humorous as it was pungent. Also, did I ever mention that I've twice seen Wendell walk around the house with what looks to be a Greco-Roman wrestling singlet?

Memory put this on my page

Sonz at Rocky Mountain Videos

Some more old live shit from Rocky Mountain Pizza shows unearthed and regurgitated here for your appraisal:

A Sonz cover of "What's The Scenario" by A Tribe Called Quest:



A performance of "East Cobb" featuring useful instructional footage on drying electronics with shirts:

Big Chicken condos & retail village

From someone half a day away, it's more of your metro Atlanta development news. Today, we observe a developing god-awful mixed use retail village at a new bus transit stop in the effing center of Interstate 75 just behind the Big Chicken:



The intersection at the lower left is Hwy 41 and Roswell Rd. The circular arrangement at the corner is the fabled Big Chicken, which will provide for a dramatic and sweeping panorama of damned near 20 lanes of traffic behind it.

The yellow structure in the median of the interstate is a "bus rapid transit" station -- buses that run exclusively in HOV lanes. As you may make out, the interstate is widened (to twice its size) to include 2 HOV lanes and 2 new truck only lanes on the outside. Several homes and some static vacant lots will be demolished to make room for that monolith next to the highway, which is linked directly to the bus station by a walkway over the chasm of I-75.

I kind of want to live next to 20 lanes of highway with a view of the Big Chicken out my window. That would be a comforting sight.

Daddy Hinkle's

Daddy Hinkle's.

I think Mathew should sue them for likeness infringement.

Salute to Wesley Willis

This is a video of Sonz of Acworth performing "Suck a Polar Bear's Dick" as made famous by deceased schizophrenic rock and roll superstar Wesley Willis.



And, here is the legend himself: